This is bigger than me

Everything is under control. Only a couple of more weeks left in the country and I have mostly everything done or is scheduled to be done. Vaccinations underway, roommate found for my room, notice handed into work and flights booked.

Everything is under control. Nothing left to do but sit back and relax. 

I can’t relax. This is what happens when my brain has a couple of minutes to itself. It starts exploring everything that I should/could/would be doing in this and that circumstance. I’m only glad that I have most of my initial travel plans made and there isn’t too much room to change them all around.

Why would I change my plans? In the words of my parents, ‘Why would you give up a well paid job?’ Well, because I’m not happy. ‘Not being happy is hardly a reason to quit your job!’ I have to say they have a point in ‘these times of austerity’ around the world and starving babies in Africa. And so I’m wondering if I’m acting like a spoiled child wanting to quit school because it doesn’t thrill me out of bed every morning like it used to.

Nah it’s bigger than that. Fuck, the whole decision is bigger than me. I’m leaving in September to see what non-European parts of the world look like and I’m even doing a spot of volunteering for two months. I want my brain to reboot. I want to feel excited about the world and I want to do some things that actually seem like they matter.

At this point in time, my wandering brain has to bow down to the feeling that traveling from September onwards is something that I cannot say no to. Like I said, the decision is bigger than me now.  I have no idea what the output will be at the end of it but it’s bound to put some pep in my step.